LOVE AND BOUNDARIES
Greetings Foothills church family!
When I lived in San Diego, one of my favorite activities was visiting the San Diego Zoo. It was so much fun to see the variety of animals housed there. From the enormous elephants to the playful monkeys to the slithering snakes, no visit there was ever boring.
Now, I want you to imagine going to the San Diego Zoo, except there are no cages or terrariums. All of the animals were allowed to roam free. I can tell you with full confidence that I would never visit that zoo. I enjoy observing snakes, but only because there is a barrier between me and the snakes. I love watching the tigers, but only because there are cage bars between me and the tigers. Remove those barriers and cage bars, and I would be afraid for my well-being.
One of the important lessons in life is learning that boundaries, to one degree or another, are essential to healthy relationships. This idea of having boundaries can be a challenge for some, especially in light of Scriptures’ invitation for Jesus’ followers to “love your neighbor as yourself”(Matthew 22:39) and to “love your enemies.” (Matthew 5:44) Aren’t we supposed to love everybody? Aren’t boundaries a hindrance to showing real love to everyone?
Check out John 2:23-25 [NLT]. “Because of the miraculous signs Jesus did in Jerusalem at the Passover celebration, many began to trust in him. But Jesus didn’t trust them, because he knew all about people. No one needed to tell him about human nature, for he knew what was in each person’s heart.”
Did you catch that? We know that Jesus loves everyone! But Jesus didn’t trust these people because he knew what was in people’s hearts. Jesus himself set boundaries in his relationships.
Loving people is different than being able to trust them. I can help someone change their tire when it goes flat, but it doesn’t mean I feel they are trustworthy enough to supervise my child. Having boundaries in relationships allows you to create a space in which trust of the other person can be developed, while at the same time, you or the relationship can be protected.
Even marriages have boundaries. For example, spouses may come to an agreement that while they’re having quality time, cell phones need to be put away and on silent.
According to www.helpguide.org, healthy boundaries serve to 1) encourage autonomy and reduce codependent habits, 2) set expectations when interacting with each other, 3) give you a sense of self-respect, and 4) clarify individual responsibilities in a relationship, and 5) distinguish one’s wants, needs, thoughts, and feelings from another’s.
To explore this idea more on your own, I encourage you to read Henry Cloud’s book Boundaries, or check out the article on the website https://www.helpguide.org/relationships/social-connection/setting-healthy-boundaries-in-relationships.
God bless you in your journey in discovering the importance of boundaries, and the difference between healthy boundaries and unhealthy boundaries.
Finally, be assured that God is for you, God is with you, and God loves you!
Pastor Chris
